Jury Representative: Yes, your honor.

<CRASH! THUD!>

Judge Judy: What in the dickens…?

<Kugel is on floor, broken chair underneath him>

Judge Judy: Were you trying to stand up, sir?

Ku Gel [blushing]: Er, yes, your honor. 

Judge Judy: Please don’t!  Sit down!  Now, jury, please read your verdict.

Jury: In the case of Ku Gel versus Regis Philbin and the American Broadcasting Company, we find the, er, marble ball...

Regis: Your honor, before they go any further can I just ask…

Judge Judy: Excuse me sir!  Do I look like Kathy Lee? Do you think you can run the show here? You’re in MY court.  I’M the boss, applesauce! 

Regis: I wasn’t trying to run the show…

Judge Judy: Sir! Sir! Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining, okay?  I know what’s going on here.  Do you see the word ‘stupid’ written on my forehead?  I didn’t think so.

Regis: Jury, just make sure this verdict is your FINAL ANSWER! Ha! How you like that Ku? A little REGIS humor...

Judge Judy: Bup!  Bup!  Bup!  Shh!  Shh!  Continue, please jury.

Jury: After considering the nature of the action in question and hearing the testimonies of the plaintiff and the defendant, we were quite set on waving all charges against Mr. Ku Gel. However, upon listening to Mr. Chiles’ closing argument, we realized that he just wasted two days for us with his ridiculous ramblings. Mr. Chiles has failed to make any intelligent argument since the beginning of this trial. My personal opinion, he should not be working as an attorney anywhere in the United States.  Since he can make no logical appeals, he relies solely on his charismatic approach to public speaking and his emotional appeals to those of the female persuasion. In light of these observations, we find Ku Gel GUILTY of the “crushing” charges and award Mr. Philbin the one million dollar prize money to pay for his medical bills. Now let’s bust on out of here fellas!

<Jury immediately runs out of the courtroom, repeating the chant, “U. S. A., U. S. A.”>

Regis: Woo hoo!  Tough break, eh Ku?  Where’s your precious college now? 

Jackie: Your honor, this is unbelievable, unconstitutional, and unfathomable! 

Kugel: Sigh, I tried Howell, I tried. Just have to roll with the punches…

Judge Judy: ORDER! ORDER IN THIS COURT!  You people have more strings to your bow then we can possibly work with!  SIT DOWN!