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CONTINUED...
Final Answer? Part Deux
Kugel concerned about budget
crisis; tries luck with Regis
 Geraldo
Rivera: Hello this is Geraldo Rivera with Rivera Live. Thanks for joining
us. You would have to have been living under a stone —a large, spherical,
granite stone at that— for the past few weeks if you do not know about
our lead story: the trial that is seemingly tearing apart the city of Clinton,
Mississippi. Celebrity talk show host, turned game show host, Regis Philbin,
has filed a lawsuit against a Mr. Ku Gel for medical bills incurred over
the tragic turn of events that transpired live on ABC in front of a nationwide
viewing audience. Immediately after winning a million dollars on Philbin’s
game show, Mr. Gel, a prominent personality at a large Clinton university,
inadvertently injured Philbin during a victory celebration. For more on
the trial, let’s check in with Jane Wells, who is standing by live at the
Clinton Courthouse.
Jane: Thank you, Geraldo. Throughout
the day, I have been joined here by swarms of spectators—both press and
local personalities— who are restlessly awaiting the verdict from inside
the courtroom. It’s been a long day inside the walls of Clinton’s
local courthouse for those involved in the case, Ku Gel versus ABC Network’s
Regis Philbin. Let’s take a brief look at the opposing parties. On
one side you have Philbin, the national celebrity, and his prosecutor,
Marcia Clark, best known for her work in the O.J. Simpson trial. One has
to wonder why Philbin would take such drastic measures in his choice for
a lawyer. Could Ku Gel be as dangerous an individual as Mr. Simpson?
Geraldo: Interesting point. Now, tell
me about this character who Ku Gel has brought in for his defense.
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| Jane: Well, it’s been all over the
local news media here. I even saw it on the front page of the Clarion Ledger
last week. Ku Gel has obtained the services of the charismatic attorney,
Jackie Chiles, known for his work with comedian Jerry Seinfeld in the Good
Samaritan trial. Definitely an odd choice, but I think Mr. Gel is trying
to keep Philbin and Clark on their toes.
Geraldo: I see. What about the actual
trial? How has it proceeded in the last 48 hours?
Jane: Well, Geraldo, it may recently
have been “guest celebrity week” on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, but
in this courtroom, guest celebrity Judge Judith Sheindlin, better known
as TV’s Judge Judy, has not taken any flack from the talk show host. She
has kept both sides in check thus far, and has ruled with an iron fist.
Now our cameras were allowed in the courtroom during the proceedings this
afternoon, so let’s take a look at how things transpired.
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The above
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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