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EXCLUSIVE!
Final Answer?
Kugel concerned about budget
crisis; tries luck with Regis
| Several grueling questions
later...
Regis: Well, we’re up to the
$32,000 mark. Ku Gel, this one’s important. Are you ready?
Kugel: Ready as I’ll ever be.
Regis: Alright, let’s play!
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| Regis: Which of the following
won the recent SGA Presidential Election?
A. George W. Bush
B. Jonathan Randle
C. Graham Carner
D. H. Ross Dudley
Kugel: Well, Regis, I’m not really
into politics. I try to stay away from that stuff. So, I’ll have
to have you take away two of the answers for me.
Regis: Alright, your second lifeline.
Computer, take away two of the answers for Ku Gel, leaving the correct
answer and one wrong answer. |
 |
| Regis: There you go. You’re
left with Graham Carner and H. Ross Dudley.
Kugel: Well, the only thing I
can remember about H. Ross Dudley is that he has a
He-Man wallet, so I’m gonna go with C., Graham
Carner, on this one.
Regis: Is that your final answer?
Kugel: Yes, Regis, that’s my
final answer.
Regis: You got the 32,000! It’s
Graham Carner! Now you can keep that $32,000 no
matter how you perform during the rest of
the game. The next question’s for $64,000.
How many fountains on campus are currently
working?
A. none
B. four
C. five
D. one hundred twelve
Kugel: Well, let me think.
There’s myself, the one that’s near me in the Piazza. There’s the
one in Jennings and the one on the other side of Nelson Hall. Now,
if I counted all the sprinklers in the Quad, there might be a hundred twelve,
but I don’t think you’re asking for those. So....I’m gonna have to
say, B, four of them.
Regis: You confident about this
one?
Kugel: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
Regis: He got it! Congratulations,
that’s $64,000. |
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| Going now for $125,000. You’ve got
one lifeline left. Here’s the question.
What campus location do male students refer
to as “the promised land?”
A. Chrestman Hall
B. the Quad
C. the Baptist Healthplex
D. Aven Hall
Kugel: Well, Regis, many nights
I can see a trail of cars heading over toward Chrestman, so I believe Chrestman
Hall is the answer.
Regis: You’re absolutely right!
Ku Gel has earned $125,000.
Ku, the next question is worth $250,000, and
you still have one lifeline remaining. |
 |
Kugel: Regis, at first, this
looks like a trick question, but I’m on top of this one. A pickle
comes only if you order a meal -- not if you order Colombo yogurt, mozarella
cheese sticks, or a bagel. There is often a long line, but a long
wait is imminent regardless of whether
the line is long or not. So, with a
great deal of certainty, I’m going to say C, a long wait. |
| Regis: Well, Ku Gel, you played
that one perfectly. The answer is definitely C, a long wait. You’re looking
strong, Ku Gel. You just won $250,000. How do you feel?
Kugel: I feel great. Give
me the next question, Rege.
Regis: Alright, then. For
$500,000. According to The Whittington Weekly, what aspect of campus
life is responsible for an increase in depression among students?
A. cafeteria food
B. CSC 114
C. Whittington Hall
D. Spring Fever Week
Kugel: Well, I know it’s not
D. Because I saw a lot of students having a good time on
that velcro wall. I would say cafeteria food,
but it’s been here so long that I can’t see it as newsworthy. Whittington
Hall seems like the logical answer, but if the Whittington Weekly
staff members who live there are still lighthearted enough to poke fun
at their institution, maybe that’s not the answer. Regis, I’m gonna
go out on a limb here and say B, CSC 114.
Regis: You don’t sound very confident.
You can still phone a friend.
Kugel: No, I think I’ve narrowed
it down pretty well. I’m staying with B.
Regis: Alright. Let’s see how
you did.
It’s B! Good work, Ku Gel. He’s one
away from a million. Don’t go away, we’ll be right back! |
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The above
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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