Kugel: Well, Regis, it’s no secret that my beloved alma mater is going through financial woes right now. It’s all over the news. And so, if I win, I plan to give that money to the school. After all, she’s done so much for me, I feel obligated to give back, doing my part to help in her time of need.

Regis: Certainly a noble cause. Good luck to you. And here’s the final question!

A. 32 km/hr
B. 54 km/hr
C. 117.2 km/hr
D.  The world may never know

Kugel: Well, I have absolutely no idea on this one Regis. Looks like I’m gonna have to use my last lifeline and call somebody.

Regis: Okay, phone a friend, sure. And who would you like to call?

Kugel: Dr. Edward McMillan, a distinguished professor and scholar at my college. He also watches to make sure that nobody steals me.

Regis: Okay, our friends at AT&T will help us get him on the line.

<ring, ring, ring, ring>

McMillan: Hello?

Regis: Hi, Dr. McMillan? This is Regis Philbin from ABC’s Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire <interrupted>

McMillan: Oh, how are you doing Regis?

Regis: Well, I’m doing fine. But your friend Ku Gel, here needs your help. 

McMillan: Oh really? Well, I watch the show a lot, so I think I can help him out, ya got me?

Regis: Got you, Dr. Mac. Now the next voice you hear is gonna be Ku Gel’s, giving you one correct answer and three others that are not. You’ve got thirty seconds, starting now.

McMillan: Hey Kugel, how are you doing?

Kugel: Fine, but I really need you to listen <interrupted again>

McMillan: Are you feeling nervous?

Kugel: Yes, please listen. Here’s the question: 

What is the air speed velocity of a coconut-laden swallow?

A. 32 km/hr
B. 54 km/hr
C. 117.2 km/hr
D. The world may never know

McMillan: Well, is it an African or European swallow?

Kugel: Uh, it doesn’t specify.

McMillan: Well, then I can’t answer the cottonpickin’ question, see? <buzz>

Regis: Time’s up Ku, I guess Dr. Mac wasn’t much help.

Kugel: No, he wasn’t. I guess swallow physics aren’t his area of expertise after all. I should have called Dr. Nettles.

Regis: Well, you can leave now, and still go home with $500,000. That should help out
the budget a little.

Kugel: Yeah but, I want to give it my all here. It’s my one moment in time, and I want to be more than I thought I could be. So, I’m gonna give it the old college try. Since the question was never answered in Monty Python, I’ll go with D. The world may never know.

Regis: Are you sure about this, $500,000 is a lot to lose.

Kugel: I know.

Regis: You’ve come so far. Are you confident?

Kugel: Confident.

Regis: Is that your final answer? D?

Kugel: YES! For the love, stop the suspense!