installed on campus
Student’s financial security
arriving back at [our college] this fall were in for a big surprise when
entering Alumni Hall. Many en route to the campus post office and bookstore
stopped cold in their tracks when they discovered the newest addition to
campus—a Bancorp South ATM (that’s a “MAC Machine” for all you Pittsburghers
This new ATM is a welcome sight for most students.
It means that cash will now be available on campus at the push of a button—that’s
without additional charges for Bancorp South account holders. No more emergency
cash runs to the great strip of banks on Highway 80.
While most students are thrilled at the prospect
of having such easy cash access, a few cynics are not so quick to admire
this new piece of machinery.
One faction of a more radical campus organization
is spreading propaganda, insinuating that most of the money lost in the
great budget crisis is hidden within the iron confines of the ATM. Most
students disregard this theory, claiming that it is stupid.
more valid concern, however, exists in the ATM’s close proximity to a frequently
used mail depository. One student relayed the following testimony concerning
use of the ATM:
“I stopped by Alumni Hall last Friday to get
some extra cash to cover my room key deposit, which conveniently increased
from $10 to $20. As I entered my PIN number on the screen, I noticed a
shady character (with a mask) staring at me from the mail depository.
I asked him what he was doing, and he said, ‘Oh, I’m just mailing these
letters. See?’ He then remained at that location for approximately
six minutes and continued to stare at me. It was then that I became suspicious
of his real intentions, left the ATM, and decided to save the key deposit
Still others complain that the ATM is simply
too large, and thus, intimidates perspective users. One student confessed
that he was afraid that the ATM would “jump all over [him] and make [him]
call him ‘daddy’.” -- E.Z. Mac
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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