WELCOME WEEK 2000 / END OF SUMMER WRAP-UP -- September 1 , 2000


Tired of that Iíve-been-laying-in-a-field- at-Shelby-Farms-all-day-and-I-left-my-soap-
at-home-in-Wisconsin feeling?

"Feel fantastic! Refresh yourself!" with "COLOGNE AT-A-TOUCH."

Itís new. Itís cheap. Itís available at the drop of a quarter (cheaper than calling home) and a touch of the plunger. And itís the newest sensation for gas station restrooms since automatic sinks and driers that blow in multiple directions, conveniently mounted on the wall at a height accessible to every customer.

"Simply insert coin, rotate knob to fragrance desired, cup hand over nozzle, and push plunger firmly. WARNING: Keep cologne spray out of eyes."


You can be softly sprayed with "our exquisite replica" of Sunflowers, Obsession, Liz Claiborne, White Diamonds, or Eternity.

"COLOGNE AT-A-TOUCH" is storming the delta. Gas station managers are having to hire extra crowd control for the dozens of women flocking to the gas station restroom dispensers before proms, dates, and even weddings.

"What more could a girl want? This way I never have to make up my mind on an entire bottle of cologne...I can have it all!" said one anonymous Tigermart shopper.

Go get sprayed with yours today -- convenience store managers are standing by. At participating retailers only.

(Originally published in the Chrestman Chronicles, May 25th Edition. Used with permission)

The above article was intended for parody purposes only.
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