Tired of that Iíve-been-laying-in-a-field-
"Feel fantastic! Refresh yourself!" with "COLOGNE
Itís new. Itís cheap. Itís available at the
drop of a quarter (cheaper than calling home) and a touch of the plunger.
And itís the newest sensation for gas station restrooms since automatic
sinks and driers that blow in multiple directions, conveniently mounted
on the wall at a height accessible to every customer.
"Simply insert coin, rotate knob to fragrance
desired, cup hand over nozzle, and push plunger firmly. WARNING: Keep cologne
spray out of eyes."
"CAUTION: FLAMMABLE -- NO SMOKING"
You can be softly sprayed with "our exquisite
replica" of Sunflowers, Obsession, Liz Claiborne, White Diamonds, or Eternity.
"COLOGNE AT-A-TOUCH" is storming the delta.
Gas station managers are having to hire extra crowd control for the dozens
of women flocking to the gas station restroom dispensers before proms,
dates, and even weddings.
"What more could a girl want? This way I never
have to make up my mind on an entire bottle of cologne...I can have it
all!" said one anonymous Tigermart shopper.
Go get sprayed with yours today -- convenience
store managers are standing by. At participating retailers only.
(Originally published in the
Chrestman Chronicles, May 25th Edition. Used with permission)
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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