Volume 1, Issue 7 -- February 27, 2001

That's some hard Liqueur
Macbeth performer terrifies audience

AVEN LITTLE THEATRE: On the evening of February 20, a large gathering of Shakespeare buffs (or perhaps just a number of students who were seeking extra credit opportunities) filed into Aven Little Theatre to experience a solo performance of Macbeth, sponsored by Mississippi College’s 24th annual Shakespeare Festival. Upon sitting down, it was hard to ignore the shady looking, lanky man lingering in the corner of the room. As he approached the stage, dressed more like he was about to perform a scene from Mr. Bojangles than from Macbeth, it became apparent that this was indeed Cedric Liqueur (the evening’s featured performer). Anticipation mounted as Mr. Liqueur took his place, but what followed had to have been one of the most disturbing things we have ever experienced.

After prolonging the start of his monologue for seven minutes using delay tactics such as picking his teeth and looking expectantly at the audience, Cedric launched full-fledged into an hour long “performance” (which more closely resembled something from Hannibal than from the Shakespeare classic) that consisted of constant shouting, snarling, and sweating profusely. Those who were not familiar with Macbeth (or could simply not recall much) were just as lost as those who might have finished reading the play an hour earlier. The wily Cedric spent his time intimidating the audience (who recoiled in horror at the actor's every move) by scampering about the room like an escaped insane asylum patient, gazing at them with dark, bulging eyes...and then maniacally laughing in their faces. As the “performance” (which seemed more like some bizarre form of Chinese water torture) came to a conclusion, Liqueur portrayed Macbeth’s violent death, complete with authentic throat gurgling noises and neck snapping gestures. 

After the play, Liqueur quickly transformed into his normal, soft speaking self again, while fielding questions from the audience. After one prominent audience member (apparently the only person in the room who was not afraid they were going to be eaten) incorrectly indentified Cedric's religious beliefs, mental ward workers rushed the stage and secured the deranged actor in a straight-jacket and protective mouth guard. Three towels were also utilized to wipe the pools of sweat from the head of the performer.

In the end, the only useful explanations we found on Macbeth were in the printed program itself. Regardless, sleep did not visit us easily that night. -- Whittington Weekly staff report

The above article was intended for parody purposes only.
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