Volume 1, Issue 7 -- February 6, 2001

Special Report:
The Convocation
Cause Baptists rule!

SWOR AUDITORIUM: At eleven o'clock on January 24, the celebration of our 175 year legacy kicked off with an hour long Convocation ceremony. Faculty, administration, and alumni alike all filed into Swor Auditorium in anticipation of the coming events. All classes were canceled during this time, with expectations for a high student turn-out...which was sadly not the case. Fortunately for those who missed out, the Whittington Weekly staff was in attendance and observed the festivities from the fourth row. Why so far back, you ask? Well, simply because the first three rows were reserved, and for some strange reason, we were not among the elite that those rows were reserved for. 

After a knock-out opening performance by the MC Concert Singers, the Convocation was underway. However, halfway through the ceremony some of the speakers seemed to forget that this service was held in honor of our college's legacy and instead spent all of their time at the podium bragging about our Baptist heritage and nobility. Among the boasting was the statement that our college is, "stronger than it has ever been." Apparently, these guest speakers conveniently did not pay attention to any of the controversies of 2000. Or perhaps all of this was said just because the Board of Trustees was in attendance. This was followed by a 24 verse long responsive reading, which began running a little long, maybe because an announcement was already made that cake would be served in the Food Court at the conclusion of the ceremony.

In our opinion, the most significant occurrance was a "gift" that Mrs. Lynda Street presented the college during her address. To the naked eye the package appeared normal, complete with blue wrapping and a splendid gold bow adorning the top. While the contents of the box was never revealed, Street stated that the only thing inside was "gratitude." But thanks to our new Spytech camera, the Whittington Weekly has unwrapped Mrs. Street's gift and will now exclusively present our findings to the world, er, campus.

Gratitude huh? I think that the pictures speak for themselves. No further questions, your honor. Now, how about some of that cake... -- Grandmaster Sexay

The above article was intended for parody purposes only.
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