Jennings "hangman"
incident
Exam pressure causes dummy
suicide
Students
on their way to pick up their “Living the Legacy” annuals in Alumni Hall
at the end of the semester became victims of a disturbingly cruel hoax.
One student recalls, “I had just picked up my yearbook and was casually
flipping through it, when suddenly I heard a group of females screaming
over by the Kugel. I didn’t think that much of it at first, because they
had just picked up yearbooks as well. Maybe they just didn’t like their
pictures. Boy, was I wrong. I looked up, and there was a dead body hanging
off the third floor of Jennings.”
Immediately, the campus erupted into turmoil.
Traumatized students embraced and wept on each other’s shoulders. Campus
security taped makeshift red crosses to their golf carts and sputtered
to the scene of the tragedy.
The air was filled with questions and with
answers few and far between. Had the student snapped under the pressure
of final exams? Or had CSC 114 claimed yet another victim? Maybe the student
just completely misunderstood the meaning of “Dead Week” altogether.
Upon making the ascent to the third floor
of Jennings, rescuers found to their dismay, that the body was actually
that of a dummy, not of a real human being. Apparently, the largest college
in the Clinton area had been the victim of a very convincing prank.
“Who would have the nerve to play with our
emotions at a stressful time like this?” stated one female student, as
she wiped the mascara that ran down her face.
“I just don’t get it,” stated another student.
“How could a dummy so closely resemble a real human being? His limp body
swayed in the wind and everything.”
Besides
destroying the emotional stability of most students, this outrageous stunt
could have cost the college some potential enrollees. An anonymous student
recruiter accounts: “We had just started on our campus tour. I took them
through the Baptist Healthplex, and then we stopped by Hampstead’s. Then
I began to introduce them to our educational facilities, namely Jennings
Hall. As I was reading the title on the building, ‘Jennings Hall,
founded in SWEET MERCY!’ the hanging corpse fell right in front of the
building’s date. They ran screaming down the hill to their cars. I guess
I better start looking for another job, huh?” -- Grandmaster Sexay
The above
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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