Volume 1, Issue 3 -- April 20, 2000

Water notice shocker
Commas and apostrophes cut from budget

April 12, 2000 -- Residents of New Men's and Whittington were discontented to find notices posted stating that water to those dorms would be shut off for six hours on the morning of April 13. No reason for this unexpected turn of events was given. One does wonder why maintenance would choose to take away water from students during peak "lathering" hours of 8-10 A.M. However, students would have suffered without protest had it not been for the condemning, capitalized taunt adorning the top of the notice. Take a look:

Apparently, the new head of men's housing duties feels the need to add insult to injury by openly flaunting the fact that the hygiene well-being of the campus is out of our hands. On top of this, due to restraints, all commas and every third apostrophe in housing memos have been cut from the budget. Contractions have also been outlawed. 
- Grandmaster Sexay

The above article was intended for parody purposes only. 
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