Volume 1, Issue 3 -- April 20, 2000

Joint SGA body votes
"no confidence"
Spawns separate college

The air was thick with emotion on the evening of April 10, as a flood of students made its way into Provine Chapel for an emergency joint session of the SGA. This meeting was called in reaction to the ongoing budget crisis -– especially the recent resignation of the school’s Dean of Students.

The meeting began at 9:30 pm and opened with a question-answer session with a certain Vice President of Student Affairs. Although this individual was pressed by students on a variety of controversial issues, the session yielded even more ambiguous messages from the administration concerning budget proceedings and personnel decisions. 

Immediately following the question-answer session, a resolution was passed by the joint body to send a letter to the administration, expressing the disapproval of the SGA on the administration’s handling of the budget situation thus far.  After this vote, tensions truly mounted when a proposal was made to declare “no confidence” in the administration because of its handling of these affairs. This vote passed by the slimmest of margins as the evening grew later and later.

By 1:00 am, nearly all of the student observers had gone back to their dorms, leaving the SGA representatives to continue to make resolutions of varying nature.  Around 2:00 am, the SGA passed a resolution in which they declared themselves to be totally independent of the school’s authority.

Taking this measure a step further, a vote was passed to begin an entirely separate institution, cleverly assuming the name, Not Mississippi College.  Members of the SGA then began stepping down from their positions, apparently for the reason of the taking positions in the administration of their new school.

Registration for Not Mississippi College is scheduled for next week; classes will meet at the Ag Museum. Construction on more educational space has already begun. (left)

As 3:00 am drew near, a resolution was passed in which one of the House members was elected President of the new college.  Right on the heels of this vote came a resolution in which this same individual declared himself to be “Emperor of the Known World, in the tradition of Constantine.”

This resolution was the final significant vote of the night, as all of the following resolutions centered around garden hoses and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. -- E.Z. Mac

The above article was intended for parody purposes only. 
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