Beware the Deli
Nazi
No chips for you!
It’s
lunch time again here at our beloved college, and students flow in and
out of the cafe to receive their normal ration of food. All are faced with
having to make the decision of what part of the cafe to partake of. Will
it be the Grill, the Deli, the Main Event, or the Taste of Today?
Choose wisely because what you get could come back to haunt you later.
The Deli is always a safe haven for the apprehensive students. You cannot
go
wrong with your favorite sandwich meat on
wheat, white, or pita bread. However, woe to thee who cannot order correctly.
Now, for the betterment of all on campus, we at the Whittington Weekly
will now review the proper ordering technique:
1. First, pick up a tray and place it
on the metal rail all the way to the left of the deli.
2. Next, state your meat and bread of
choice clearly and quickly (example: “ham on wheat”).
3. Then, quickly slide down just a few
feet and voice your opinion on which you would like--chips or pretzels.
(Now, this is the important part in the ordering process; if you mess up
here, your whole dining experience will be ruined.)
4. Now, move down to the Pizza Gusta
area of the Deli section. Stand and wait. Do not show that you would like
them to hurry up; if you do, you may never get your food.
5. Finally, accept the food with a smile
on your face, whether or not they gave you enough meat.
If
you perform the order in this manner, you are guaranteed to receive your
food. As an example we will use a story from the life of Grandmaster Sexay.
As he moved into the line for the deli he was not ready to order yet. This
got him a look that could kill a person. After choosing what he wanted,
he forgot to tell the worker he would like chips. As they handed him his
food, he stated, “Can I have chips with that?” This did not settle
well with the worker, and the answer he received was, “No chips for you,”
and she proceeded to throw out the sandwich and send him away with a motion
of her hand. This could be the fate of anyone that does not order the correct
way. So please, take heed and beware of the Deli Nazi. -- Shaggy Phat
The above
article was intended for parody purposes only.
Comments?
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