Volume 1, Issue 3 -- April 20, 2000





Beware the Deli Nazi 
No chips for you! 

It’s lunch time again here at our beloved college, and students flow in and out of the cafe to receive their normal ration of food. All are faced with having to make the decision of what part of the cafe to partake of. Will it be the Grill, the Deli, the Main Event, or the Taste of Today?  Choose wisely because what you get could come back to haunt you later. The Deli is always a safe haven for the apprehensive students. You cannot go 
wrong with your favorite sandwich meat on wheat, white, or pita bread. However, woe to thee who cannot order correctly. Now, for the betterment of all on campus, we at the Whittington Weekly will now review the proper ordering technique: 

1.  First, pick up a tray and place it on the metal rail all the way to the left of the deli. 

2.  Next, state your meat and bread of choice clearly and quickly (example: “ham on wheat”). 

3.  Then, quickly slide down just a few feet and voice your opinion on which you would like--chips or pretzels. (Now, this is the important part in the ordering process; if you mess up here, your whole dining experience will be ruined.) 

4.  Now, move down to the Pizza Gusta area of the Deli section. Stand and wait. Do not show that you would like them to hurry up; if you do, you may never get your food. 

5.  Finally, accept the food with a smile on your face, whether or not they gave you enough meat.  

If you perform the order in this manner, you are guaranteed to receive your food. As an example we will use a story from the life of Grandmaster Sexay. As he moved into the line for the deli he was not ready to order yet. This got him a look that could kill a person.  After choosing what he wanted, he forgot to tell the worker he would like chips. As they handed him his food, he stated, “Can I have chips with that?”  This did not settle well with the worker, and the answer he received was, “No chips for you,” and she proceeded to throw out the sandwich and send him away with a motion of her hand. This could be the fate of anyone that does not order the correct way. So please, take heed and beware of the Deli Nazi. -- Shaggy Phat 

The above article was intended for parody purposes only.  
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