Weekly Top Ten
Our solutions to the budget
As a result of the budget problems that our
campus is going through, many changes are taking place to try and cut costs
and save a little money. We here at The Whittington Weekly have
put together a list of the top ten things that the administration should
do to help cut costs:
members of the faculty and staff in a dunking booth.
Not satisfied with that last test score? Tired
of meaningless assignments? Well, grab a softball and take out all of your
frustrations. Wholesome wet fun for all!
Ratliff into an insane asylum.
No one goes there anyway. Who would know?
banquette hall into a casino to match carpet.
Don't hide it. We all know what's going on
up there. Might as well go all the way. Casino Choctaw anyone?
giving out the pickles at Hampsteads.
Really. Must everyone who orders a meal receive
a free complimentary dill? Do you know how many of these go straight into
out Monday and Friday classes, to save on teacher salaries and electric
Four day weekends all around! No one wants
to see it, but surely students could find it in their hearts to sacrifice
for the financial well being of our college.
construction on waterfall and put a garden hose up there for the fountain
A garden hose would serve the same purpose,
and the leering construction workers could go home. Please, the women residents
will thank you.
out Whittington as a police training center.
It's already used as a facility for drug canines,
but now you have our permission.
bathrooms from 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. to cut back on toilet paper costs.
Come on people, hold it! WalMart's not that
far of a walk. Your car's probably over there anyway.
spectators to watch cheerleaders practice in Quad.
C'mon, when there's cheerleading practice
in the afternoon, the Quad is always just a little more busy. Pay-per-drool.
off electricity to dorms on the weekend.
Not only will the wrath of Mr. Freeze be mitigated,
no one will really notice since everyone goes home anyway.
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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