"This Bathroom's closed"
Student baffled to find
bathroom rights denied by Whittington janitor
the beginning of this semester, one returning freshmen trying to “get back
into the groove” of Whittington dorm life came across a peculiar situation
when heading for his morning shower. He was denied access to the facility
on his side of the hall when one of Whittington’s infamous janitors stated,
“Sorry, this bathroom’s closed.” Apparently, the “custodian” took a break
from watching music videos and Jerry Springer re-runs in the spacious lobby
and decided to actually do his job, which just so happens to be around
the 8:00-10:00 A.M. time frame, when students need bathrooms the most.
Even more disillusioning was the discovery that the janitor didn’t close
the bathroom to clean it; the only things changed were the garbage bags.
Why then did that constitute shutting down the entire bathroom? Why change
the garbage bags but ignore the obviously swelling amount of trash that
lines the dorm’s halls? Can R.Kelly videos really be that entertaining?
These will always remain among the world’s unsolved mysteries.
NEWSFLASH! Wait, this just in…Whittington
Weekly has just received this from the Dean’s desk. Our
comments in red.
TO: All Residents of Whittington
FROM (the desk of..): Tom Washburn
SUBJECT: Housekeeping services
Over the past few weeks I have been in your
building more than usual. I have made a point of checking the condition
of the builing and have noted that the cleanliness of the building is not
as good as it should be. [Really? Get right
out of town!]I am writing to ask for your
help in two areas. First, some of you need to tighten up and live a little
more civily. [As opposed to living like you
belong in an insane asylum] For example, put
your trash in the cans and do not just throw and sweep it into the halls.
[Would this include not smashing unwanted
CD's down the stairs?] The second thing I
want to ask your help in is show respect for the new Housekeeper who is
being assigned to Whittington. [Praise be
to God!] Ms. Venus Moore will be cleaning
your building now. [Did you say "cleaning"?
You mean, a janitor that might actually clean?!]
Frankly, this (a female housekeeper in a guys dorm) is a new concept here
but I believe that it is one worth trying. She will be moving in and around
the residence hall from 6:30 to 3:30 each day. Some of you are going to
need to dress a little more as you move about! [Looks
like some guys around here may have to find some new towels, that actually
wrap ALL THE WAY AROUND] She will put a closed
sign on each restroom as she cleans it. [That
would be ideal] Please notice it and either
wait or got to one of the other restrooms when her sign is out. I really
think this is going to work well and you will have a much cleaner more
liveable dorm. [We hope so Tom, we hope so.
How will the new female housekeeper work out?
This should lend itself to some interesting stories pretty soon. We'll
keep you updated here, in the Whitt Watch. -- Grandmaster Sexay
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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