The
Fabulous Four
A Correct to: "Administration
installs three emergency phones, says seven more coming soon"
Contrary to what was reported in the January
31st edition of the Mississippi Collegian, four emergency
poles have been installed on campus. I know it is a small part, but is
it too much to ask to have a reporter go out and investigate what his article
is on? I guess it was not an important enough article to bother researching
it.
The first pole is located on the loop across
the street for the new women’s dorm. The second is located at the corner
of Nelson Hall just in front of Chrestmen Hall. The Third resides in the
freshmen girl’s parking lot near the football field, and the fourth is
strategically placed in the Egypt parking lot.
Now, it is true that these new additions to
the security guards’ arsenal will help if someone is in distress, however
I do not believe that the equipment is what needs to be updated. I believe
that the problem is with the security guards themselves. Besides the fact
that the majority of them are fat and lazy, they just refuse to do any
work. I don’t think that having these poles will help anyone in trouble
in the Egypt parking lot, when security has taken the golf cart on a donut
run to the Chevron station.
An example would be the large yellow Jeep
in the Whittington parking lot that was vandalized with the word “Millsaps”
in pink spray paint. Where were the security guards during this crime?
What about the flasher? Do we as a college believe that the emergency poles
will help catch the naked middle aged man that torments the female population
on campus? Perhaps, if the security guards spent less time giving tickets
to people in the visitors parking zone and more time patrolling the campus
the emergency poles would not be as needed.
Now, maybe the poles help out in areas of
the campus that are a little out of the way or not as well lit as other
places, like the head of security claims. I may be the only one who recalls
this statement, but Dr. Todd promised that if there was a place on campus
that people felt was not lit well enough then they would install extra
lighting. Yet, the parking lot across highway 80, otherwise known as Asia
Minor, remains dark and foreboding like a scene from the movie Scream.
Overall, what do the emergency poles really
accomplish for the student body? Well, the only thing they do well
is tempt the bored students on campus during the weekends to prank call
the security office, and run away like children ringing a doorbell and
fleeing. -- Shaggy Phat
The above
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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