Volume 1, Issue 1 -- February 21, 2000
 
 

 

 

 

 

The Male Surprise 
Hefner in cahoots with  
college administration? 

During the course of the school year, we have all received our fair share of junk mail. However no amount of junk mail can compare to the item received by the male population as they returned to school after Christmas break. Shouts of joy and laughter filled the campus post office as the guys received their mail. The studentís responses were mixed as they read and pondered the offer on the post card. 

It would seem that during the Christmas break Hue Hefner, founder of Playboy enterprises, paid a visit to our campus in the form of subscription cards. This just proves that Satan is working hard on our beloved college. The Playboy offer was more than tempting for all of the male students.  Hefner offered to sell his magazine for, an amazingly low, one dollar an issue. That is more than seventy-five percent off the cover price. We all know that not many college students can pass up anything that is that cheap, especially when it is cheap porn.

Some students immediately threw the cards in the trash cans. ďI canít believe they even allowed that smut in our mail boxes,Ē stated Tim Krason, author of the Krasonian, as he trashed his Playboy card. Others were more respective to the idea of a cheap thrill. ďItís a good deal, Iím planning to sign up for it today,Ē replied one student who wished to remain anonymous.

Another perk of ordering the Playboy subscription now is that the magazine will come discreetly wrapped for personal privacy. This is done to insure that the campus perverts can remain undiscovered. So if you see anyone leave the mail room with a black plastic bag the size of a Sports Illustrated, you can bet it is not the "swimsuit" edition.

Finally, I must raise the question: How did Playboy receive the box numbers of all the men on campus? It should make you wonder how this garbage can even be allowed in our mailboxes, considering the fact that you are not allowed to look up porn on your [college name]Net account. One thought comes to this reporters mind: Is all of this financial support for the college really coming from Bernie Ebbers, or could Hefner really be funding the "New Dawn" on our campus? 
-- Shaggy Phat 


The above article was intended for parody purposes only. 
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