The Male Surprise
Hefner in cahoots with
the course of the school year, we have all received our fair share of junk
mail. However no amount of junk mail can compare to the item received by
the male population as they returned to school after Christmas break. Shouts
of joy and laughter filled the campus post office as the guys received
their mail. The studentís responses were mixed as they read and pondered
the offer on the post card.
It would seem that during the Christmas break
Hue Hefner, founder of Playboy enterprises, paid a visit to our campus
in the form of subscription cards. This just proves that Satan is working
hard on our beloved college. The Playboy offer was more than tempting for
all of the male students. Hefner offered to sell his magazine for,
an amazingly low, one dollar an issue. That is more than seventy-five percent
off the cover price. We all know that not many college students can pass
up anything that is that cheap, especially when it is cheap porn.
Some students immediately threw the cards
in the trash cans. ďI canít believe they even allowed that smut in our
mail boxes,Ē stated Tim Krason, author of the Krasonian, as he trashed
his Playboy card. Others were more respective to the idea of a cheap thrill.
ďItís a good deal, Iím planning to sign up for it today,Ē replied one student
who wished to remain anonymous.
Another perk of ordering the Playboy subscription
now is that the magazine will come discreetly wrapped for personal privacy.
This is done to insure that the campus perverts can remain undiscovered.
So if you see anyone leave the mail room with a black plastic bag the size
of a Sports Illustrated, you can bet it is not the "swimsuit" edition.
Finally, I must raise the question: How did
Playboy receive the box numbers of all the men on campus? It should make
you wonder how this garbage can even be allowed in our mailboxes, considering
the fact that you are not allowed to look up porn on your [college name]Net
account. One thought comes to this reporters mind: Is all of this financial
support for the college really coming from Bernie Ebbers, or could Hefner
really be funding the "New Dawn" on our campus?
-- Shaggy Phat
article was intended for parody purposes only.
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